AIRPORT GOODBYES

SO WHAT IS IT ?

So what is it about those airport goodbyes, when you both don’t know what to say, and have that puppy dog look in your eyes and you want to  say I love you and u cant ,,, is he ready to hear that am I ready to say that.?  It’s all ok when u kiss them good bye and you get up to leave and u walk 20 steps and u turn around and they are not within the reach out and touch them  comfort zone anymore and we lose it. The distance is now in place and the dreaded missing and terror sets in. We try to fight the tears as we board the plane and walk past the front cabin all weepy and everyone wonders if you’re going to a funeral or are you just a crybaby. U sit as fast as u can and put your things down so u can get to that first text message they have already sent from the gate. We fire them back n fourth until the last moment before your about to get in to trouble from the pretty girl in the uniform. As she gets closer to your isle and your heart races because you know what’s coming; as u look up half embarrassed and half dazed, she looks down at u over her glasses and says the dreaded….. With a concerned look on her face “its time” she says in a firm but gentle voice and you know it has to stop until u land at the other end.  As the  screen of the phone goes blank so does your heart , u tuck it away,  take a deep breath  and try to figure out what you are going to do for the next 4 hours besides obsess. Then you’re over stimulated mind starts all the questions, are they crying? , are they glad I’m gone? , will they miss me? will they forget about me? , will I see them again? Oh my god...SHUT UP…..thinks about the carrot, about the carrot, the carrot. What exactly is that????Make it up quick before you start getting misty again and the wing of the plane starts to look good from 10 f. when will I see him again? its only 3 weeks . Oh my god will I make it? LIKE A MOVIE RIGHT?, then suddenly your taxiing down the runway and u want to wail but the girl in the seat next to u already thinks urn going to have to be sedated . . u apologize to her for being a freak and YOU make up some  truly romantic story about why your blotting your eyes with a scarf that u have pulled from around your neck . She smiles with compassion and remains silent. As usual I get a little unnerved as the plane quickly lifts off the ground and I am truly disconnected from the ground and from u; and suddenly as we start to glide upward into the heavens I realize that I am starting to breathe again and I will be OK. Trapped in my seat I start to wonder what you are doing and hope that your heart feels the same way mine does.  A fullness and a huge sense of gratitude  fills my entire body,  grateful for you and the time you have given me to spend with you , all the things I learned and observed ,and  that I have the ability to feel the way I feel , and that I have not denied myself those  feelings. I feel at peace when I realize what has happened the last 2 weeks and happy that I feel joy and excitement about the future, I stare out the window at the snowy mountains and I go into a blissful daze.